


one last ditch and new beginnings

by unusannus



Series: story of another us [1]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dealing With Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Major Character Injury, Self-Doubt, asami is a good not gf but soon to be gf, korra is quite Sad here, mostly - Freeform, taking a ride to angst town here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:08:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26811166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unusannus/pseuds/unusannus
Summary: Korra struggles with the consequences of defeating Zaheer. Asami is with her throughout the process, until she can’t be.
Relationships: Korra/Asami Sato
Series: story of another us [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983224
Comments: 4
Kudos: 92





	one last ditch and new beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> i’ve recently finished atla and lok for the first time (thank you netflix) and wow i really fell in love with this universe and needed to write out something for these two.

Korra feels heavy, as if her bones have grown ten times denser than usual as she lays there in her father’s arms. He’s saying something to her, reassurances of some kind, but she can’t make them out completely. His voice comes out fuzzy and distant with each word. She tries to say something,  _ anything,  _ back at him and yet nothing spills from her chapped lips. 

Within the same minute, she’s being presented to Su, and Korra realizes that she must be removing the metal as her body lightens up slightly with each drop removed from her skin. She can’t help the tears that escape her eyes at the sensation, the pain of being chained up still raw inside of her. 

A different muffled voice catches her ear and she forces herself to lift her head and meets bright emerald eyes, the same one’s she’s daydreamed about for weeks beforehand. Blinking wearily, she feels Asami take one of her hands into her own, soothingly rubbing at her knuckles. Her hands feel cold to Korra’s burning skin.

Somehow, she can still feel Zaheer’s presence beside her, somewhere on the rocky terrain they all inhabit at the moment. She strains her neck, wanting to look him in the eyes a final time so as to say  _ I beat you and you will never hurt me or my friends ever again.  _ But, she can’t. 

She can’t and that may be what breaks her in the end.

“S-sami.” She stutters out and fights to say more as her throat closes up once more. The other girl shushes her, more words Korra can’t understand are spoken and she drifts in and out of consciousness for a few more seconds before succumbing to the blissfulness of sleep.

**_____**

Asami hates the beeping. 

It’s loud and incessant and yet it’s her only indicator of whether Korra’s alive or not. Otherwise, in all her paleness and sunken skin, she could be dead for all she knows. It shatters her from the inside out, to see the confident and stubborn girl she met at that gala all that time ago be restrained to a makeshift hospital bed on Air Temple island.

She doesn’t like getting too close either. Then, she can see all the small cuts and bruises that litter her face, hands, and feet. Souvenirs of a battle won where no one felt victorious. Where Asami could do nothing but let it happen because Korra’s the  _ Avatar,  _ there was no way she could lose. She hadn’t before, so what would change now?

Standing by the doorway, not daring to enter, she only observes. The steady rise and fall of Korra’s chest provides comfort where nothing else has since she’d fainted on that rock pillar a few days beforehand. She’s not sure how long she’s been there, watching, when a voice interrupts her thoughts.

“You should get some sleep.” 

It’s Mako. He looks tired too, hair unkept and bags under his eyes. She thinks briefly about how his own words could be said to himself.

Asami scoffs, “I’m not tired.” A boldfaced lie, and Mako is certainly not an idiot.

“You were practically falling asleep during dinner today.”

“It’s not my fault Tenzin tells stories in such a  _ boring _ way.” She snaps with a roll of her eyes.

She regrets the words as soon as they leave her mouth, not even entirely sure why she said that. She loved Tenzin. He had been so kind to her from the moment they met and offered her a room here when she had nowhere to go, and to Bolin and Mako as well. 

Before Mako can respond she tells him, “I didn’t mean that.” Pinching the bridge of her nose, she apologizes “Sorry, I’m just-”

“Tired?” He finishes her sentence with a brief smirk, “Seriously, go to bed. Korra will still be here tomorrow. ” 

“And if she’s not?”

It’s a hard question to ask  _ and _ answer and she wants to slap herself for saying all the wrong things right now.

Mako seems stunned for all of 5 seconds, like he almost can’t believe what she’s challenged him with. Like the idea of his friend dying is too far away to seem real, but Asami knows that it’s  _ not _ , at least not presently. In that bed, sick and exhausted, she looks like she could go at any second, at any moment. And Asami will be damned if she’s not there for her when she can be. When she  _ should  _ be.

“She will be.” He firmly states, nothing in his tone says that he doesn’t believe himself and Asami yearns for that certainty, to be that unyielding with her words. A gentle hand is placed on her shoulders, “Go. I’ll wake you if something happens.”

She nods, suddenly feeling dazed because she’s allowed herself to finally feel tired. With a final glance at the sleeping girl, she backs away from the entryway, a familiar pit filling her stomach and traveling to her head. She can barely recall how she gets herself to her room and into her bed. The sheets are soft and welcoming to her. Fatigue pushes her to finally close her eyes.

Alone, in between the cover of her dark room and the soft glow of moonlight peering through the gap in her curtains, she forces herself to forget about the beeping. 

At least, for now.

**_____**

Korra has felt pain before,  _ real  _ pain. The pain of losing her bending and her connection to her past lives had wrecked her in ways she’s still discovering to this day. Small remnants of what she considers her greatest disappointments linger within her, and they will most likely accompany her over her lifetime. 

But this? This poison. It’s unlike anything she’s ever experienced. Even when it’s been pulled out of her, the hurt stings her whole body as if she was still hung up high on those chains in front of the Red Lotus.

So, when she wakes up in a room alone with a start, her first instinct is to stumble out of the bed and search for her friends and family. 

She tries to move her legs, willing them to become planted on the hard floor. 

They don’t.

Her head begins to swirl with all the possibilities of why. 

Why? Why? Why?

She keeps circling back to the same conclusion. The scariest one. The one that makes her want to sink into a dark, dark abyss and never be found again. The one that means she failed.

Paralyzed. Her legs, her entire bottom half of her body was  _ paralyzed.  _ Korra repeats the word out loud in a whisper a few times, getting used to it. In the dark, it’s almost a secret. With each repetition, she can feel her breaths coming out few and far in between each other. Before long, she’s finding it near impossible to take in oxygen at a regular pace.

The sensation of being suffocated brings her to the terrifying memory of Zaheer’s air bubble around her head, sucking her lungs dry of their lifeline. He had been so close to finishing her.

Too close

“Korra? Are you awake?”

With bloodshot eyes, Korra glances up at the voice, her expression must be worrying because Mako is at her side immediately, working to calm her down. He grabs hold of her hand, meets her gaze with his own and tells her to breathe with him. She tries, the first few coming out staccato as she adjusts to the rhythm he provides.

It feels as if hours have passed until they reach the moment where her chest doesn’t feel like collapsing out from under her. It’s jarring for her to see him still so caring and loving to her when they were no longer together, but that’s just the kind of person he was, loyal and understanding where she would be holding grudges and huffing. 

“Feeling better?” He asks quietly, brows scrunched in worry and she wants to joke and tell him he looks like a sad puppy. She hates the tension that fills the small bedroom.

Korra’s first instinct is to lie, but Mako is not an idiot. Her lips are set in a thin line as she contemplates what to actually tell him. How does one explain that they can’t walk anymore? 

“I-” She struggles to begin, words catching in her throat. She clears it, forcing her voice to stay steady and strong, “I can’t feel my legs.” She chokes out.

The devastation that flashes over his face is something that she won’t forget easily. He jumps from sitting on the side of her bed so quick she almost thinks she imagined it. 

“I-I’ll go get Tenzin a-and Kya and everyone else. They can help. They-” He stops talking to take in a gulp of air, “Just, uh, wait here. Just wait.” She couldn’t stop him even if she could move with how determined and terrified he looks. Korra knows that it wasn’t his intention, but to see him go from relaxed and composed to _that_ was not helping her stay calm.

The next hour is chaos as almost the entirety of her inner circle run into her room with varying degrees of fear written all over them. Questions upon questions are shoved at her and she answers them all in a few words or less. Tenzin is the most concerned as he urges Kya to bring in some water and begin working on her legs to get them moving again. He’s surprisingly finding it harder to believe that it’s a lost cause than Korra previously thought. 

She could feel hope drain out the second the realization hit.

Though, it does come back in waves, first when she’s carried to her bathtub and Kya gets to work. The soft rumbles of whatever healing she was doing flowing its way around her legs. It’s when the hour mark passes by that Korra slumps her shoulders, the weight of the implication settling into her. She knows that Kya feels it too, when she pauses the session to “Talk to Tenzin for a quick moment.” It’s written all over her face. 

There must be no saving her now.

Korra gives her a curt nod, not daring to speak for fear of breaking down. So, she sits there. Dressed in only her undershirt and shorts, questioning how she could even try to begin to move on from this. It’s still hard to believe. Would she need help for every activity she did in a day? Could she no longer train? How could the world operate without their Avatar in top shape?

As her head slowly lulls to the side, she knows that the adrenaline of the night has begun to wear down. 

Things get blurry again, but she registers arms reaching into the cold water and being dried down before getting placed into her bed. The room quiets down as people begin leaving one by one. 

Bolin steps closer to her, demeanor gentle in the way that she’s used to. He places a kiss on her forehead, “Good night, Korra.” He whispers, with the lights off she can still see the red rims around his eyes. It seems like he’s taken after Mako though, with his tone staying strong and full even in sorrow.

Barely creating a smile, she says good night back and hopes that’s enough for him.

Next is Mako, who, to his credit, looks much more put together than when he initially left the room. He squeezes her hand lightly, “ I’ll see you in the morning.” She squeezes back. She appreciates that both the brothers didn’t make her vain promises that she’ll get better soon.

The adults all say their own farewells, even if it’s only for the night. 

When Korra thinks they’re all gone, she sighs, the heaviness of her eyelids getting the better of her as she gets as comfortable as possible without the luxury of adjusting her legs. 

“Korra.” 

Her eyes shoot open at the voice. There’s no mistaking who it is. The person she’d been sorely missing for this entire ordeal, whether she’d admit it or not.

“Asami.” She breathes out, suddenly feeling wide awake and refreshed.

It’s almost uneasy how tense Asami looks, a small wave being sent Korra’s way as she comes to her bedside. Korra had never seen her like this, like she was desperately trying to hold herself together. From what? She had no clue.

It’s clear that Asami has no idea where to start, so Korra asks, “Why are you still up?” It had been a while since everyone else had retreated to their own rooms, and Asami hadn’t been in the initial group.

Shakily, Asami stumbles through her explanation, “Mako woke me first, and then everyone else. I was here for, uh, everything else. I-I just didn’t really come inside.” She gestures to the doorway, “I waited out here, actually.”

“Did he tell you what’s wrong?” Korra inquires, and she knows it’s stupid to ask when Asami had just told her she’d been here until the session had ended, even if it hurt to know she never entered.

“Yeah, I know.” Asami chews on her lower lip, contemplating something. In a moment's notice she places herself on the small empty space on the bed sheets, “I’m sorry, Korra. You don’t deserve this.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault, if anything, it’s  _ mine.  _ I probably deserved it.” She’s not entirely sure where this confession stems from, but it causes a reaction from Asami that shocks her.

“No. It’s not your fault and you would never deserve to have something like this happen to you. Don’t ever say that.” Asami is quick to clasp their hands together as Mako had done earlier, but for some reason this gesture feels more intimate. Korra’s breath hitches at the touch, confused why it made her cheeks warm up.

And yet, she cannot bring herself to back down from her earlier statement, “ I can’t  _ walk,  _ Asami. I can’t be the Avatar the world needs anymore. I can’t…” She trails off, choosing her next words carefully, “I don’t matter anymore.” Her composure almost collapses as she speaks to them, knowing that these were the dark and gritty thoughts she fought to keep at bay most of the time. But now, with her body so broken, she’s allowed herself to really believe them.

Asami is hugging her before she can fully understand what’s happening. In the tight grip, Korra sags her shoulders as the tension seeps from her body. 

Sniffling, Asami says, “You matter to me. Avatar or not.” She detaches herself, keeping both hands firmly on her shoulders, directly meeting Korra’s defeated gaze, “You matter to me.” She tells her again in that way that lets Korra know that there’s no point in arguing over the claim.

“I-I don’t know what to say.” Korra responds, cursing herself for being such an idiot. Her mind felt like such a mess right now.

“You don’t have to say anything. Just...don’t forget that, okay? Please?” And she sounds so vulnerable that Korra doesn’t understand why Asami would ever think that she’d forget something as significant as that.

She stifles a yawn as the silence stretches on and Asami chuckles softly, “You should get to sleeping. I didn’t mean to disturb you so late.”

Waving her away, Korra affirms, “I’m not that tired.” She rubs sleepily at her eyes and looks up to Asami giving her a knowing look, and she relents, “Alright, alright, I’ll sleep now, promise.” She instinctively brings up her pinky finger, and for a second wonders if the other girl even knows what the childlike gesture means.

To her relief Asami curls her own pinky around Korra’s and they shake once. They exchange good nights, Asami adding a brief kiss to her cheek with hers.

It’s exactly that: brief, but there’s an equally short clench in her heart when Asami does it. Korra has no idea why the shock persists long after Asami retreats back to her room. She wants so badly to be able to brush it off as something friendly, like it’s not Asami’s lips that she’s been wanting on her own for weeks, perhaps even months.

Brushing her lightly bruised knuckles over the affected area, she fights to quell the surge of warmth and peace that travels throughout her body.

It was only a kiss.

(Was it?)

**_____**

  
  


The Airbending ceremony is this afternoon, and Korra has no idea how she’ll make it through the whole thing. She hasn’t progressed past the need for a wheelchair for about 2 weeks now. The fact that all those in attendance would be able to see her like that made her want to never leave the temple again. The image of the Avatar bound to a wheelchair wouldn’t escape anyone’s view.

She had been dressed in the nicest clothes possible, and apparently she was going to be honored at the event, another way to make her the center of attention when she didn’t want to be. 

As proud as she was for Jinora, she desperately wanted any chance for a raincheck.

In her chair, she sits in front of a large mirror, adjusting her hair slightly. She struggles to not meet her own eyes. They had lost most of their light and happiness as the days progressed, slowly but surely she knew it wouldn’t be long before all that was abandoned entirely. Everyday, Kya worked with her to get the feeling in her lower half back and everyday it had been the same outcome. 

Korra had begun to seriously consider how she could live the regular life of an Avatar. It wasn’t long before it became clear that that wouldn’t be possible anymore. This led her down the grim path of letting the next Avatar take her place soon. It’s the same thought she had when she had lost most of her bending. Peeking over the cliff, she had been terrified of what she was thinking because she wasn’t even sure if she  _ wanted _ to die, but, in the end, it was her duty as the Avatar until Aang had appeared to save her.

A quiet knock is heard at her door. She allows them to come in. 

She can’t say she’s shocked to see that it’s Asami. The heiress hadn’t left her side since the news of her being paralyzed had been discovered by yours truly. It’s not like Korra hated her for it, it was hard to concentrate on the bigger picture when her kinda-crush but also definitely crush had been with her every step of the way. 

“Hey, I wanted to check in before we left for the ceremony.” Asami greets.

Korra gulps, a strange lump forming in her throat, “I’ve gotten dressed already.” She gestures to her legs, “Pema and Kya helped me out while you were away.” Although Asami had been a constant in her life recently, she still had a company to run and that fact confused her even more when she thought about why Asami even bothered to be with her when all they could really do was walk, or really wheel around the island. And seeing the same dozens of rooms everyday was not a fun activity by any means. 

Asami reaches into her coat pocket, a small black box in hand, “I got you something to wear, if that’s okay?” She says the last part like it’s a question and Korra nods, not sure what to make of it.

It’s a gold chain bracelet, barely big enough to fit Korra’s wrist. They’re silent as Asami puts it on for her.

She steps back once it’s on, “This was my mother’s favorite bracelet before she passed.”

Korra freezes from fiddling with it, eyes widening, “Oh, Sami you shouldn’t have. I don’t think-”

“Shush, I gave it to you because I  _ wanted  _ to, okay?” She takes Korra’s hand tenderly, “And to let you know that I’m here for you, whether it’s just to talk or anything else.”

“I really don’t deserve you.” 

“You do and I’ll remind you of it everyday if I have to.” The ache in Korra’s heart only grows at this.

The ceremony is gorgeous, and Korra is crying by the end of it. 

She doesn’t know if it’s because of how happy she is to see the Airbenders all together for the first time in a century or because she knows that when the rush of the moment leaves, she will be left to face the dull reality of her new day to day living.

**_____**

The air is chilly the morning that Korra leaves. The ship taking her back to Southern Water Tribe sits idly on the waves as she finishes her farewells to her friends in Republic City. 

Tenzin had made a remark of how she shouldn’t worry about her duties as the Avatar since the Airbenders would be more than happy to take care of the world while she was still healing. Korra knows that he meant no ill will with what he said, but it only added salt to the deepening wound inside of her. To be reminded that everyone could take over for her, and possibly do even better, wasn’t what she really wanted to.

Then again, to hear the exact opposite might have been worse.

Soon enough, Asami is at her side again, for what would be the last time for a while. Korra had planned to only be gone for a few weeks, and yet knowing that she would be separated from her did little to ease her heart. She understood that Asami was incredibly busy, as were Mako and Bolin and they deserved to work on their own things without worrying over Korra everyday, so she opted to go by herself. Her parents and Katara would be enough company.

They had to be.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go?”

Korra glances up, shaking her head before she even speaks, “No, it’s okay. I need to take this time to get better on my own. I’ll make sure to write back often.” Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she ignores the voice in her head that’s doubtful of that statement. She grips the arm rests on her chair far too tight.

Asami smiles, one that doesn’t quite reach her eyes and Korra knows it’s because of her, “Yeah, of course. I get it.” It’s clear that she really doesn’t, voice rough with unsaid declarations.

She wants to explain that it’s for her own good. The words are on the tip of her tongue, though she’s certain that won’t make Asami feel any better. She doesn’t want to leave on any hard feelings, instead opting to clasp their hands together. 

They’ve been doing that more often. The simple action always caused Korra’s cheeks to flush and her pulse to run wild because she wanted to do  _ so _ much more than hold hands. But, she doesn’t think she’s what Asami deserved, someone who was damaged and hurt beyond repair wouldn’t be enough for her. It shouldn’t be. She didn’t have to settle for a has been Avatar when there were more than enough suitors at her doorstep.

Korra decides to stick to transparency, “I need everyone else to stay back, so I know that they’re progressing in their own lives. I couldn’t just drag you all away from your lives here to help babysit me.” She rubs the knuckles on Asami’s hand without thinking twice, “Asami, I know you care, you’ve demonstrated that since the beginning. So, right now, I need you to know that staying behind is the best thing you can do for me and for yourself.”

Before Asami can share her thoughts, the captain of the ship yells down that they need to get boarding to stay on schedule and arrive at the tribe on time. Korra jumps at the interruption, leading her to drop the girl’s hand. 

Still, she looks up expectantly, awaiting Asami’s response.

To her disappointment, she only says, “I guess that’s your cue, huh?” 

Sighing, Korra fights the urge to tear up at the sight of abandoning the woman she had fallen in love with, “Yeah, I guess it is.”

**Author's Note:**

> i’ve got a sort of part 2 written for this that’s set in book 4, but it needs some work before i upload it.
> 
> until then, thanks for reading!


End file.
